Happy Birthday - A weekend of mixed emotions

Tomorrow is my birthday, 59, in case you are wondering. Courtney, Paul, Tizita, Alissa and Nathan all came home to celebrate my birthday with me just as I wanted. We had planned this in early January before our lives were changed forever with the news of our precious Natnael.
I approach this birthday with mixed emotions, I approached this weekend with mixed emotions, truth be told, I am approaching life with mixed emotions since the news. I knew it would be good to see everyone, but I knew it would be hard to see everyone.
Courtney had a set of pictures made for us. There are about 15 or so photos taken of Natnael while he was in the care center. Nati with balls, nati doing silly tricks, Nati smiling, Nati eating, these photos are priceless treasures, but I could not even look at them yet. The pain is too new, the sadness is too fresh. I look forward to really studying them some day down the road when the emotions are not so raw.
Some parts of this weekend seemed so normal and so much like life was before the news of Natnael. We started out Friday with a dinner at El mariachi. We smiled, we laughed, it felt good, it felt normal. For a little while, at least, it was good.

Courtney and Paul love El Mariachi, they needed comfort food. They are sad, but their smiles shown through at times and for a little while it all felt normal and good.

Tizita is still Tizita, the joy of our lives and she made us laugh by her silliness, her innocence, and her genuine love for all of us.

After dinner, we headed over to Lyon's Pub for a beer or three. More laughs, more normalcy, more good times.

My mom babysat for Tizita so that we could continue our night at Ann's.

With these three men in tow, how could it not be a terrific evening?

And this is my beautiful family. I am so proud of my daughters who have grown up to be the best of friends. They may be separated by miles but when they get together, the time is fun, normal, good.

The night was good. It was filled with reminiscing about good times, laughter, normalcy.

On Saturday, we had a slow, lazy day made to order. We opened gifts in the afternoon. Tizita helped me with the goody box. I did not fare so well, guessing only nine of the ten and taking myself out of the running for grand champ.

Another picture with my beautiful daughters and my yummy eau claire torte made by my mom.

My best gift of all is this precious little girl who can make me smile no matter what. We had lots of time to spend together this weekend and that was nice.
We ended Saturday night with a slide show and an early bedtime of ten.

On Sunday, my Preschoolers sang in church. Tizita came with me to hang out with some of her friends before church. I love how much they love and miss her. We all need friends just like this.

We surprised Courtney, Paul, and Tizita by putting two plants on the altar in memory of sweet Natnael. Not much, but a symbol of our love for him and his life. They are live plants that they can take home and take care of.

And these are my sweet Preschoolers singing, "I am Jesus' Little Lamb."

The words of this song wrap up my feelings for this post:

Who so happy as I am, even now the Shepherd's lamb,

And when my short life is ended, by his angel host attended,

He will fold me to his breast, there within his arms to rest.

Such a comfort to think that Natnael is resting in Jesus' arms right now.

So, mixed emotions all around this weekend.

I know it will get easier as time goes on and some sort of normal will return, but I don't think it will ever be quite the same again.