Hope for the best, expect the worst, and roll with the punches

The title of this post has been my motto for years now. It has always made perfect sense to me. I figured if you lived out every possible tragic scenario, thus expecting the worst, nothing could ever blindside you. This is the very reason that I call my girls multiple times when I have not heard from them. I have already conjured up every bad thing imaginable that has happened to them and until I hear their voice, I will not rest. Right, Alissa?

Anyway, I am here to tell you that my wise words that have guided me all these years, have failed me terribly in the loss of Natnael. The phone call from Courtney came out of no where, blindsided me totally. I had not expected any bad ending to that story. I had my eyes on the prize.
I did not approach that chapter of my life with the caution with which I approached everything else.

Am I somehow to blame for not playing out this sad ending? Of course not, but if I had at least thought about it, I could have been prepared, right? It would not have stung so much when I heard Courtney say, "Natnael died."
I could have said, "I knew something like this was going to happen."
Not that it would have lessened the sadness, but at least I would have had that idea somewhere in my head.

I know this post is rather odd for me. I am usually a half full kind of person in the blogging world as well as in my classroom world, but in the privacy of my own thoughts and probably with my close family, I am very cautious, very half empty. I am always a little scared to get too excited about things that could turn out badly.

So, why did I approach this adoption with such happiness and hope and never have any negative, sad thoughts? I guess because I was just hoping for the best and completely disregarding the worst case scenario. Will I do this again? No, I am going ahead cautiously, slowly, treading lightly in all areas of my life.
Expect many calls my dear daughters.

In closing this post, I am indeed rolling with the punches even when this punch took all my breath away, like someone punched me hard in the stomach and I got the wind knocked out of me.
I am moving forward with faith in a God that will not let us down.