Mom fell asleep on earth and woke up in heaven

 On August 11, 2022  I got a call at about 5:00 AM from a nurse at Park Ridge.  I always have my phone turned on at night but for some reason, that night it was on vibrate so I missed the call and had to listen to the voicemail.  I suppose I already knew what the message would be since my mom had been declining over the past few weeks.  The nurse, on the message, tried to explain something but then just said, "you need to call me back as soon as you get this."  My hands were shaking as I attempted to make that call fully expecting the worst.  Maybe I didn't expect to hear that she had died, maybe I was hoping for," she is dying and you can get here" or "she fell and we need you", not sure what I was thinking.

The nurse said she was covering both Park Ridge and Park Terrace that night and she got the call that Mom was unresponsive.  Now I am still not comprehending all she is telling me and I remember asking her, "So is she dead."  She affirmed that yes Mom had died in her sleep.  She asked if I wanted to see her before the coroner and funeral home came for her.  I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do that or not, so I just said, "Yes,"  I didn't want the nurse to think I was heartless.

It was my morning to take a shower, my hair was a mess,  I debated a bit but then decided to forgo the shower and head straight to Watertown.  I talked to my brother who would meet us there.  I called Courtney and Alissa both of whom had a feeling that is what my early morning call would mean.  

The drive to Watertown seemed to take forever.  In ways I wanted to get there and in other ways, I didn't ever want to go.  Vikki called me on the way and that is when I lost it badly for the first time.  I then pulled it back together and we finally arrived.

Kev was waiting in the lobby.  It was so quiet compared to the activity that would start later in the day. We both decided that we did not want to see her.  I had had a wonderful visit with her the Friday before and I wanted to remember that and not have the memory clouded with seeing her dead.  I am guessing Kev was relieved with that decision.  The coroner came up first and explained the procedure.  He was so kind and caring plus he brought a bit of humor into the situation, too.  My mom wore elastic rings and she had many of them.  At this time she was wearing one with lots of red stones in it and the  coroner said at first he thought it was a mother's ring and she had lots of kids and grandkids born in the same month.  It was just this little bit of humor we needed.  At this time, Sue, the woman who worked the desk came in for the day without any knowledge of Mom's death.  We always enjoyed Sue, she was a fun lady and thought the world of mom.  She came over and jokingly asked what the Kohlhoffs were all doing there so early.  When we told her, she cried right along with us.

One of mom's caregivers came up at that time and gave me a big hug, with tears in her eyes, she expressed her sympathy.  I know that all the caregivers loved my mom very much and they became like family to her.  She showed me a picture that she had of my mom on her phone.  That photo is very precious to me because it showed how much she enjoyed being there.  Her smile could light up a room and her little wave was the sweetest thing.  The second photo is one that appeared on the Park Terrace website, mom was enjoying an old fashion during a mardi gras celebration.  It was one of my favorite photos of her.

After the coroner had done his work, it was up to us to meet with the funeral director and our Pastor.  Luckily, Pastor Mueller returned my call immediately and he was able to meet us at the funeral home later that morning.  The funeral director was a former student of mine at Mary Linsmeier and Kevin knew him too so that helped make a very difficult situation a little bit easier.  Our Pastor and Mike, the funeral man were both so helpful and kind.  We chose three of her favorite hymns and decided on a Bible verse from Corinthians that Pastor had used in our devotion as we began this meeting. They both helped us write up an obituary.  We chose the casket and went over to the flower shop for the bouquets.

And in a matter of an hour and a half, it was all done.

We returned to Oshkosh and Courtney helped me buy an outfit for mom to wear.  I had given away so many of her nice dressy clothes.  All she had left were her beloved sweatshirts.  We went through her jewelry and chose a pin with Ken and Marge engraved on it, a locket with her parents photos, and a large rhinestone Gigi pin that I had purchased for her upcoming birthday.  She wore her wedding ring again for the first time since it had been cut off at the care center.  Her old hairdresser of 45 years would be the one to do her hair.  We knew she was going to be beautiful.  

Alissa and Nathan arrived on Sunday and we all had dinner and toasted Marge.  I bought everyone a little goody bag with rain bonnets, tic tacs, gum. and tissues, the things that Mom carried in her purse. We had a good night, but all of us were dreading Tuesday when the funeral visitation and service would be held. We just wanted to put it behind us. Here are a few pictures from that night of celebration.

I couldn't find actual rain bonnets so I had to settle for shower caps.

I also included some word searches and a few of mom's favorite books in each bag.

I am not sure what we did on Monday but like it or not, Tuesday arrived, and we had to move forward.

When we got to St. John's everything was ready for us. We all got to take our first look at Marge.and she did indeed look beautiful.  Now we know she was no longer there but was already enjoying herself in heaven but visitation offers closure.visi

I was so surprised to see some of mom's oldest friends at the visitation.  It was wonderful to see them and catch up  Everyone there had so many good things to say about Mom.  She did indeed carry sunshine and happiness wherever she went.  She may not have had money or great recognition to leave but the things she left with her friends and family is way more valuable than any of that. Many of her friends have gone before her and were waiting in heaven, but that day I was so excited to see Ethel, Lenore, Marie and my cousin Bob plus all of Kev and my friends.  What a glorious send off.

I know most people do not take photos of their loved ones in the casket or maybe they do, I am not sure but I wanted to remember how lovely mom was so here she is:

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The service was absolutely beautiful and Mom would have loved everything about it.  Pastor Mueller had such a comforting message. Pastor Mueller was new to our church and he only knew my Mom since she had been a shut in and entered Park Terrace. He didn't know her when she attended Bible classes, Altar Guld, and LWMS.  He never knew her when she sat in chuch every Sunday, but he talked about her like he had knoiwn her for a long time.  He spoke of her faith, her love for Jesus, and the example of that faith that she showed to her family.  What a blessing his message was to us.  After the last hymn, her seven grandchildren carried her out.  She would have loved that.  I know it was not easy for them to physically or emotionally carry that casket with their grandma inside but they did it!

 

The burial was short and sweet followed by a luncheon back at church where all of us could 

chat about how Mom had touched our lives. At the very end, I remembered to take a quick family photo.

After the service and luncheon, we headed over to The Tipsy Goose to raise a few beers in Marge's memory.  All in all, it was not as horrible as a day as I had expected.  There were actually many more happy moments than sad ones.  Whenever I feel sad or start missing mom, I just take a moment to picture her in heaven with her mom, dad, (who died when she was 9), her brother, and my dad (who died 30 years ago) and then I don't feel so sad.  (I think that is a song!)

I took lots of photos when I visited Mom and I am so glad that I did.  It is a great way to remember her year and a half in Park Terrace.  Here are some that really show her changing over that time.  For a woman that always wore her hair the same way for 40 years, she certainly had a variety of styles over this time and notice how the color changed, no more dyeing her hair!  I apologize for the order of these photos.  I couldn't figure out how to put them in order but I love them all.  They tell the story of her last year and a half.  I have such nice memories of each visit.

Soli, Gigi, and I playing dominoes.  Mom loved playing dominoes and it is one thing she could play up until her last days.

Soli and Gigi putiing together a puzzle.  To be truthful, mom never liked puzzles and she really didn't enjoy them much later in life either.

Playing pool noodle volleyball with Mom and her friends

Mom really enjoyed connect four especialy when all the chips fell out.

One of the last times we spent with Mom.  We took her to a band concert in the parking of another building about two blocks away.  They served lemonade and snacks.  It was such a nice outing and I know she really enjoyed the music.  Her feet kept tapping the entire time.

This is actually the better photo of our family at her celebration.  I found it looking for other photos of mom

I love how she is obviously telling us someithing with her finger in the air.

The Van Auken family with Gigi at Easter.  

Soli with the eggs that Gigi filled with $5 for each of us every Easter.

Of course, there was Miller Lite involved.  Mom is really concentrating here

Soli, Alissa, Mom and Me.  Look at her pretty smile.  That smile never left, but her hair could look better.  I don't think her hair ever bothered her like it did me!

Mallory, Mom, and Nate.  Mom always thought Nate was a new boyfriend because she would forget that she met him previously

Ready for church but that hair!  Mom would not have liked it, but luckily she never noticed it.

This was lpretty close to the end judging from her hair and look.  Still happy though.

Sorry doubled up on this one and don't know how to delete

This was earlier in her stay, her hair was still pretty nice and she was in the restaurant with us.Ear

We celebrated Mom's last Birthday on earth, her 93rd  It was a great celebration.

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Mom had just gotten her air done here after the shop finally was able to open again

Mom and I ready for church.  Kev, John and I went to church with her once a month and we were able to take communion with her.  It was a special time.

Toward the end of her time.  She didn't talk anymore at the end but her smile was still there.

Siurrounded by so much love at her last birthday on earth.  Still drinking her beer

And there is that winning smile.  We spent lots of nice times in this sunny room

She always loved her Miller Lite!

Nate and Mallory at mom's birthday

Yum, cheese from Kraemer's

Big game of dominoes going on here.

Oh, how I miss those arthritic hands, if they could tallk, the stories they could tell.

I remember this visit, it was after the church picnic.  I was sharing some of my retirement cake with her.

A Mother's Day visit in the restaurant complete with beer.

Nathan and Marge had a special bond. This is quite early since she is sitting in her first chair and her hair is still pretty nice.

Early on in her stay but after Covid rules lifted.  Getting ready to play dominoes

Her very best friend, Frieda came to visit and what a wonderful visit that was!  Frieda made it to heaven a few months before mom did and we think both their husbands probably looked at them and said, "What took you so long!"

Here she was still able to sit  on her bed.  We played dominoes up until the very end.  She was very sharp at that game and often beat me and John.

We decorated her little tree for all the different holidays.  She always loved the lights on a tree.

Toward the end of her time, I would often find her in this chair by the sunny window holding her babies.  The babies always had a different name each time I came.

She used to love sitting in her lift chair from Alissa and Nathan until she had to spend time in her wheelchair.  She was still able to do word searches here too.  Toward the end, she could no longer do them.

If you look at her hair, you will notice that this is a bit later when she had to use a wheelchair all the time.  We built many structures.

We loved walking together on nice days.  Mom was always a bit worried that I would let her go!

IKev, Vikki,Mom and her friend, Dog

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'The girls and their GIGI.  She loved them so much and thoroughly enjoyed her time with them.

We had such a nice Christmas party in her sitting room  We had all her favorite foods and beer.

This one was still pretty early in her stay.  Notice that her hair is still pretty nice and not completely gray.

This was actually one of the Covid visits that were supposed to be behind plexiglass but I was a rule breaker and the care giver who took our picture did not care.  They tried to give mom a haircut when whe couldn't get in to get it styled but it was way too short here!  So this was early on in her stay.

And to be perfectly honest, wouldn't we all love to go to sleep one night on earth and wake up the next day in heaven.  Such a blessed, peaceful way to die.

Until we see you again, Mom.